Category Archives: Love Life

“Love…So Many People Use Your Name In Vain.”

I’m always wary when I hear the word ‘love’ thrown around these days. People love their new car. They love tv shows. They love their pets. I don’t think it’s wrong to say those things, I simply believe that there are varying degrees with which we can like something or someone.

Those feelings can be split into all kinds of emotions: enjoyment, appreciation, affection, respect, etc, all of which can sometimes be substituted with the word love due to time constraints or incorrect use of the English language. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just easier to do. ‘Love ya girl!’, ‘I love this song’ being perfect examples. 


(photo: Fidel Amos)

(photo: Fidel Amos)

Even with all the in-vain ‘love’ usage, I thoroughly enjoy when I happen upon true love randomly. It doesn’t need boisterous words. It doesn’t need to be scripted, planned or pondered.

It simply IS.

– F

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Filed under Blog Quickies, Love Life, New York City, Relationships

“Crazy Little Thing Called Love…”

I’ve seen so many people in my life telling so many others that they “loved” them. I’ve heard folks say they “love” their dogs, their cars and their TV shows. I’ve seen celebrities, athletes and superstars telling crowds of thousands of fans they have never even met that they “love” them.

I’ve even been in relationships where someone has “loved” me at first sight, only to bail on me the moment times got a little tough. I’ve witnessed so many fickle, meaningless, trivial uses of the word “love” that I myself have often wondered about whether or not I knew the true definition of the word.

And then I take one look at my daughter and I realize that I know EXACTLY what love is. It’s that feeling in my soul that lets me know I would do anything for her. It’s that emotional punch in the gut I feel when she’s sad, sick or in pain.

….it’s that indescribable, unavoidable, overwhelming feeling of pure bliss that washes over me when she says “I love you daddy”.

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Filed under Blog Quickies, Love Life

“$40 Million Dollar Slaves & The Woman On The Train.”

A couple days ago I boarded the downtown 4 express train, headed for Union Square. As the doors closed and the train began to move, I found myself a seat and began to fumble with my iPod. Before finding the song I was looking for (Coldplay’s Viva La Vida…for those of you that are REALLY into details) I happened to glance across the subway car to the seats in front of me and saw one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Her hair was long and the darkest of browns, almost black…dyed slightly lighter at the tips and pulled into a single large braid behind her. Her skin was light, internationally mixed and absolutely flawless: the kind of color you get when you pour a little too much fresh milk into your morning coffee. Her eyebrows were dark and thin, her face classic, the only modern touch was a single tiny golden stud in her left nostril. She wore a sleek and perfectly fitting top and a simple skirt, which in my opinion happened to be exactly the length and style that a perfect lady would wear. Her long, full legs were in a pair of black heels that you just wanted to buy ten more pairs of in ten different colors for her JUST because she looked so good in them.

Her big, brown eyes acknowledged my presence with a quick blink before looking away just in time to avoid that “uncomfortably long stare”. She reached down into her shoulder bag and pulled out a book that I had never heard of…$40 MILLION DOLLAR SLAVES. This enhancesd the attraction, as her reading such a book denoted character and intelligence. How do I know..? Because I was reading the comics section of the Daily News…

As she found her place and began to read, I found myself daydreaming about what I would say to her should the opportunity arise for conversation. I could have just admired her beauty in awe and silence without interrupting her. But what would be the point of that? Even Outkast once said “Everybody knows you can’t let a pretty one pass you by…without saying hi.” For those of you that have no clue who Outkast is, how about a different analogy, “If you saw a sparkling diamond just sitting there within your grasp…wouldn’t YOU try to pick it up?”

But I digress…where was I?

Oh yeah…

The point is, how does one start a conversation with a woman who has probably already shot down ten other men better than you just in the last hour?? What perfectly original, sincerely smooth, ear-opening comment do you make to such a woman?

“Hello there young lady, I see you’re reading my favorite book of all time…$40 Million Dollar Slaves.”

No…that’s not it.

“Hey girl, I noticed you sitting over there, looking all good, reading $40 Million Dollar Slaves.”

Nope…definitely not gonna work.

“Excuse me miss. I seem to have lost my copy of $40 Million Dollar Slaves and I was wondering if I could borrow yours?”

Geesh…shoot me.

How do I speak to her? How do I tell her that she’s absolutely stunning and even though I don’t know her in any way, shape or form, I feel that my day might be a little more grey if I don’t continue to look in her direction? How do I explain to her that if she’s at all as interesting, funny, cool, or understanding as I THINK she might be, than she should let me take her out, wine and dine her, meet her parents, prove my love, propose and grow old with her until we both die happily like those two fools in The Notebook…???

How do I tell her…?


I look up…she’s standing above me, $40 Million Dollar Slaves in her hand.

“I’m sorry,” I say, pretending to turn down my iPod to buy some time, “What were you saying..?”

She blinks her baby browns at me again. “I was just saying hi.”

“Hi,” I mumble, shyly.

She sits next to me and reaches into her purse.

“I feel a bit foolish,” she continued, “but I saw you looking in my direction earlier and I thought you might introduce yourself, but you didn’t.”

She blushes ever so slightly.

“Well, the thing is, I don’t really know anyone in New York, the subway’s a short ride so I never know how to start a conversation with anyone…and you’re really cute.”

She pulls her hand from her purse…it’s holding a business card.

“…anyway, if you’d like to…I don’t know, get coffee or something, my number’s on the card.”

Before I can part my lips to speak, the doors open, she smiles again and leaves me sitting there on the downtown 4 express train.

I don’t say anything.

I don’t do anything.

I simply put the card in my jacket pocket, go back to fumbling with my iPod and begin laughing aloud like some kind of crazed lunatic.

– F


Filed under Love Life, New York City, Throwback Blogs

“Hell Hath No Fury Like A Naval Wife Scorned.”

The United States Navy announced yesterday that after years of maintaining tradition, they’re finally deciding to remove one of the last military-related sex barriers, by allowing women to serve on submarines.

This is the first time that women will be stationed on submarines since 1994, the year the Navy began allowing them to serve on all surface ships.

The only people to protest this change..?

The wives of the sailors.

The surprising part, however, is that their primary concern wasn’t their husbands cheating on them, but that unqualified female sailors might potentially take jobs from their husbands.


Come on now…THAT’S the reason you’re worried..?

– F

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Filed under Blog Quickies, Love Life, Really America?, This...I Just Don't Get

“Fidelis Maximus vs. Cosmopolitan.”

I’m reading Cosmopolitan magazine.

Right here. Right now.

Don’t waste your time wondering WHY I’m  reading Cosmopolitan. Any cries of foul play against my manly persona would be quickly dismissed with the typical “I live with my girlfriend and she has it lying around” comment. And for those of you that know me better than my newer readers, you know that wouldn’t matter anyway. I’d read a Cosmo any day of the week if I found one lying around. I’m curious (and easily entertained) like that.

…but I digress.

I’m on page 151 of their May 2010 issue, and there are 100 relationship questions being answered by three Psychologists at the PhD level. And, well, I disagree with them. Sure, some could argue that OF COURSE I’m going to disagree with them because I’m A) a male, and B) a non PhD holder.


One thing I do have is 15 years of dating experience. Doesn’t THAT count for something? If I needed my car fixed, I’d take it to the guy with 15 years of experience. If I needed a Head Coach for my football team, I’d take the guy with 15 years of experience. So if you’re wondering if I’m adequately qualified to even bother answering these questions…the answer is yes.

With that said (and with my desire to write about SOMETHING kicking into high gear) I present to you:

Fidelis Maximus vs. Cosmopolitan

(and indirectly, vs. three Doctors)


Question #1

It’s been 4 days since the date, and he hasn’t called. Is he not into it?

C: “Maybe. Email and say you had a great time. If he doesn’t take the bait, move on mentally.

F: Um, YEAH. If it’s been 4 days and he hasn’t called, you should not only move on mentally, but you might want to plan for the future next time. For example, if you thought he was that hot of a catch, next time take HIS number. As a matter of fact, let’s make that Rule #1: “Be the number TAKER, not the number GIVER.” If someone tries to get your number, at least get theirs as well…only if you think you might be interested of course. Don’t take it if you don’t plan on calling. Otherwise they’ll be writing Cosmo in four days trying to figure out if they did something wrong. And that would just make you an a**hole…and you don’t want to be an a**hole do you? DO YOU?

Question #10

Should I play hard to get even if we’ve been dating for a few years?

C: Sometimes. It maintains a sense of mystery that keeps him panting.

F: Absolutely not. We’ve gone through this trouble (and these few years) trying to get to know one another and learning to read each others tell-tales, secrets, habits, and quirks. Why on earth would you try to play hard to get AGAIN?? Didn’t you do enough of that in the FIRST place, when I was trying my d***dest to get your number..?? Believe me, if he wants a sense of mystery he’ll stop dating you and start dating someone he DOESN’T know. You wanna play cute? Fine. You wanna play sexy, or dangerous, or something new? Fine. You wanna start dressing up in Catholic schoolgirl outfits and smacking me on my backside every time I go to grab the tv remote because you think it’ll spice up the relationship? Fine. But playing hard to get? No thank you. We’ve played that game already.

Question #20

Do ultimatums work?

C: They can. But give one only if you’re positive you won’t wimp out and not follow through.

F: If you’re an NYPD officer, and you and a murderer are pointing guns at each other in a standoff, and you yell out “Put that down or I’ll shoot!”, then yes, in that situation, an ultimatum might work. In a relationship however, you really shouldn’t even BE in a situation where you need to USE an ultimatum. Work it out. Figure it out. Try and try again…or not. Either way, it’s not healthy. If they do something you can’t stand, or they’re someone you’re not, or they’re living a lifestyle you don’t want to be a part of…walk away. They may hate you now, but you’ll love yourself later. And besides, who really wants to find themselves at 630am, in the bathroom, screaming at their significant other from behind a shower curtain “I said IT’S NOT FUNNY!! If you pour cold water on me ONE MORE TIME, I’M LEAVING!!”

Question #34

I attract guys who turn out to be douche-bags. Why can’t I find a good one?

C: You’re choosing them, so you have a hard time seeing red flags. Enlist a friend to point them out.

F: Stop hanging around places where douche-bags hang out. Stop allowing yourself to be caught up and impressed by douche-bags. Stop PRETENDING you don’t know what a douche-bag is, or how to avoid them. If they treat you wrong, treat your friends wrong, have no potential (or even the want) to be anything other than a douche-bag, beat you, scream and curse at you, throw stuff at you, disrespect you, belittle you, or generally act like they don’t give 2-cents about you…chances are they’re a douche-bag. If you need any further clues as to how a douche-bag acts, think of the last 5 guys you dated, THEY were all douche-bags. Stop seeing guys that act LIKE THEM.

Question #35

How long should we date before living together?

C: A year.

F: Trying to tell you how many years you need to date before living together is like trying to guess how many people you’ll have to date before you find the ONE. It depends. It depends on you, and them, and finances, religion, work, location, opportunity, time, space, fate, God, and entire list of things that most people have absolutely NO control over. The point is it’s different for everyone. Stop worrying about how long you should date, and how soon you should move in together, and when you should get married. Stop worrying about the relationship, just BE IN the relationship. Next thing you know you’ll be celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary, or your 50th year of being single. Either way, you will have saved yourself the stress of worrying about it.

Question #39

What is the best way to get over an ex?

C: Giving it time. And replacing his number with a friend’s in your cell, so when you call, you reach her.

F: Again, trying to answer this question is ridiculous. It depends on how long you were together, how much you cared for the person, how the relationship ended, and a hundred other variables. Some people get over their ex in a week, some people are so devastated by an ex relationship that they never find another mate, and live out the rest of their days alone. People are people, and life is life…which, in short, means there are an infinite number of ways to get over an ex. ONE thing is for sure however. Whatever you need to do to get over that ex, it’d be a good idea to get over them BEFORE you’re in the next relationship…not during.

Question #42

Do guys kiss and tell?

C: Men bond by doing stuff, not by talking, so your sex life isn’t being dissected.

F: If this were regarding ANTHING other than “kissing and telling”, I’d say you were mostly right about the “bonding by doing stuff” comment. No, men don’t talk a lot while they’re bonding. If they did, they’d be women. HOWEVER, in matters of kissing…and touching, groping, dry-humping, banging, spooning, showering, and leaving the next morning…I’d say that YES, they most DEFINITELY talk about you. Whatever could’ve happened, whatever did happen, and wherever it happened will most than likely be discussed. There’s no doubt in my mind that men talk about that more than women do. As I said before, I could be wrong…I’m no Doctor. But I do spend more time with more women and more men than most people I know…and I know what we talk about while we’re there. And believe me, it’s not caulking.

Question #43

I cheated, but I want to stay together. Do I confess?

C: No. Figure out why you did it, then put your effort into fixing that aspect of the relationship.

F: YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! TELL THEM!! And know that I’m dead serious when I tell you that. Sure, it might get you yelled at, it might get you cursed at, it might even cost you your relationship. But unless I’m wrong, NO ONE wants to be cheated on and not told. Plus carrying the burden of doing what you’ve done and knowing what you know is too much for one person, and you won’t be able to ask your partner to help you with that burden if you keep it a secret. Not to mention you most DEFINITELY don’t want that coming back to bite you on the night of your 50th wedding anniversary. There are 6 billion people on this earth not including your significant other. Cheating is tempting, and in most cases easy to get away with. If you did it, confess to it. If they’re willing to forgive you, THEN put effort into fixing whatever you need to fix in your relationship to get it back to the way it was before you started cheating. If they leave you however, just remember, you brought that on yourself. It’s called living AND LEARNING people…not just living. Don’t want go get left? Don’t cheat. Don’t want to cheat? Stop hanging around with your ex. Stop working late with the hot, single blonde. Stop getting drunk in situations where there are people ready and willing to take advantage of your drunkenness. You won’t have to figure out whether or not to confess if there’s nothing TO confess…

Question #52

He asked how many men I’ve slept with. What can I say that’s not specific?

C: My number is more than Mother Teresa’s but less than Warren Beatty’s.

F: “It’s none of your friggin business how many men I’ve slept with, it was in the past. If you’re worried about my past then you should’ve dated me in the past…THEN it would’ve been your business, .” <— That’s what you say that’s not specific.

Question #55

He gave me his number, when should I call?

C: After 48 hours. Any later and it’s a ploy; any earlier and it’s desperate.

F: Again, this answer cannot be correctly given because the situation depends on too many variables. If you met him out and about in a group of 20 other people at say, a BBQ, cocktail hour or some other social gathering, and you were kind of interested, then call him in a couple days. If you met him in the morning while on vacation in some ridiculously beautiful country you’ve never been to and breakfast was a picnic in the park and somehow you both enjoyed your company so much that you walked the city all day learning about each other and then had lunch on the beach and went sightseeing for a few more hours and started holding hands and dinner was at a restaurant on a hill under a perfectly starlit night and then after 15 hours together you were forced to get in a cab and go back to your hotel and he says “Call me when you get there so I know you’re safe” then you CALL HIM WHEN YOU GET THERE. The point is there IS no right time to call, so call whenever you feel is right. If you don’t ever feel like calling, then don’t…because it probably ISN’T right.

Question #63

How many dates should I go on before sleeping with him?

C: Four is a good number.

F: Four would be a good number…?? Hell, MARRIAGE would be a good number. How about when you’re IN LOVE? Or when you’re COMFORTABLE ENOUGH to not be worrying about how many dates you have or haven’t been on..?? Those are good numbers too, I’m sure.

Question #71

Why did he take my number and not call?

C: He wanted the ego boost, not you.

F: For the same reason you bought that $75 dress on sale from $400 but let it sit in your closet for 3 months before wearing it. Things change. People change. Numbers change. And alcohol changes ALL of that even more. So he was gonna call you…and didn’t. Sue him. You didn’t like him that much anyway. How do I know? Because you didn’t follow Rule #1. What’s Rule #1..?? I just told you, you forgot already?? Geesh…

“Be the number TAKER, not the number GIVER.”

Question #80

When is the right time to say “I love you”?

C: Wait at least 90 days. It takes that long to know it’s not just lust.

F: The moment you love that person. 90 seconds. 90 days. 90 months. Who cares? Let’s be adults here…you know what lust is. You know what love is. If you’re young still and you DON’T know what love is…it’s that earth shattering feeling that kind of FEELS like lust…only 100 times worse. Trust me, you’ll know it when you feel it. When that happens, TELL THEM.

Question #91

I’ve never seen him cry. Weird?

C: No, guys grow up believing tears are emasculating. So you’ll have to tell him you think opening up is sexy.

F: Guys don’t think tears are emasculating, we think they represent exactly what everyone ELSE thinks they represent: sadness, sorrow, depression, loss, pain, and strife. And since they’re human, just like everyone ELSE, they’d rather not be IN a situation where they’re sad, sorrowful, depressed, in pain, in strife, or have lost someone…so they’d rather NOT cry. As a matter of fact, unless I’m dead wrong, I’m pretty sure NO ONE on earth would want to cry if they could help it.

PS. Seriously Cosmo..? “You’ll have to tell him you think opening up is sexy”..?? Why would a woman WANT her man to cry? I can understand wanting him to open up, but why would anyone think ANYONE crying is sexy..?

Question #100

I still get crushes even though I’m married. Is that healthy?

C: Yes. Crushes bring back that sexy, single-girl feeling your guy found irresistible when you first met.

F: No. Crushes outside of your marriage AREN’T healthy. You’re MARRIED. You want crushes? Stay single and hit the town with your friends every couple of days. Go to the beach with your friends and play some music, drink some beers, and hold your crush by the hand in the firelight. What’s that you say? You’re not 17 anymore..? Oh, and you’re married..?? So what do you still want a crush for..??? Go home to your husband. Go out with HIM. Go to the beach and hold HIS hand in the firelight. You want to bring back that sexy, single-girl feeling?

…then go be single.

– F


Filed under Hear Me Roar, Love Life, Relationships, This...I Just Don't Get