Tag Archives: – F

“No Mr. President, You Can’t Have My $3.00.”

Foreward.
I usually ignore emails sent to me regarding campaign donating of any kind…especially around this time every four years when the Presidential race goes into overdrive. This particular letter, however, I simply could not ignore….you’ll read why below.– F

___________________________________________________

Here is the email I received…
________________________________________________
…and here is my response.

“Mr. Gifford,”

“I would be lying to you if I said I was a person that cared about politics. I would be lying to you if I said the reason I’m on your mailing list is because I wanted Obama to become President a second term and not because I was being nice to the girl with the clipboard at the last fundraising cocktail hour I attended. Hell, I’d even be lying to you if I told you I voted for him the first time around.”

“I’d also be lying if I told you I was the kind of person that would give three of my hard-earned, unemployed, American dollars toward your cause after reading the part about you “taking care of airfare and accommodations” for two random strangers to “enjoy and evening” with the President and an actor who, unless I’m mistaken, has no political position in our country’s White House…regardless of how handsome, charming and morally upstanding he may be. Granted, I too, being not only American but a picture-hungry photojournalist to boot, would love the chance to wine and dine with an A-lister and the Commander In Chief, but I have one serious issue with this scenario Mr. Gifford: how can you justify spending countless hard-earned, unemployed, American dollars to fly two adults to Los Angeles, put them in a hotel and wine and dine them for an evening “A-list style” just for donating $3…??”

“Let alone the fact that this would seem absurdly uneconomical to anyone that’s ever taken a business class…did you (and by default your office and thus the office of the President) not get the memo saying our country was going through a depression? Did you not notice the ever-growing hatred among lower income Americans towards their money-spending, email-sending, campaign-racing counterparts on Capital Hill?”

“Perhaps it would better serve your fundraising needs if you sent out emails to the American public telling them that you’re not wasting their money to fly random, non-political people across the country to have pointless, media-friendly events with folks that could be using their talents and power elsewhere. Perhaps you’d get a more positive response from the people of this country if the emails mentioned instead that their $3 would be used to help put a man back into office that will help them with their job-losing, welfare-needing lives.”

“I’d give three of my hard-earned, unemployed, American dollars to someone who wrote me an email like that….and I’d make sure everyone I knew did the same. You have my word on that Mr. Gifford.”

“…you can trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

– Fidel Amos

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Hear Me Roar, This...I Just Don't Get

“Apparently Soda CAN Kill You…”

Hey gang.

I just had to re-post this email that my Dad sent me a while back (and my response to it). I just couldn’t stop laughing..!

– F

PS. Love you Dad!!!!!

——————————————————————————–

*The Email From My Dad*

From: Hosea Amos
To: Fidel Amos
Subject: FW: Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be carefullllllllllllllllllThis is Serious!!!!!!!!!

Hi Fidel.

This story is true. It is not restricted to soda cans, it pertains to all cans. Mama and I wash all of the can foods and
drinks before we open them. Please do the same.

Love You,

Daddy


——————————————————————————–

*The Original Message*

Happy Holidays To All!

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be carefullllllllllllllllll

This is Serious!

This incident happened recently in North Texas .
A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday.
The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis.
Rat urine conta ins toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.
A study at NYCU showed that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (i.e).. full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident.

Please forward this message to all the people you care about.
(I JUST DID)


——————————————————————————–

*My response*

Dear Dad,

It saddens me to actually think of all of the precious time that you’ve lost sending me this “Warning: You might die” email. It must have taken at least 3 sweet minutes out of your importantly busy, retired, italian style day to paste this into an email and hit ‘forward’.

Dad…

…you could have been doing so much more with your time.

Like taking a walk, enjoying the people, practicing italian, eating a merendina, smooching on my Mom (gross!), watching a western, reading the Bible, cooking spaghetti, eating Nutella, taking nap, taking TWO naps…

The point is, next time, just shoot me an email that says:

“Hey son, heard there were some knuckleheads out there dying…sucking on dirty soda cans. Ha! Ok. gotta go, your Mamma’s callin me.”

And I’ll laugh about it with ya, and then be on my merry way. It only takes 30 seconds, and then you can spend the other 2 and 1/2 minutes doing the stuff that I mentioned before.

Because come on, of all the things that I do, ONE of them is not sucking on dirty soda cans. Geesh. How many times have I heard it “Wipe the top of that can boy…don’t make me jump on you. And even if you didn’t teach me as well as you did (and let’s face it, you did), my simple life experiences and personal hygiend standards would keep me out of that particular bracket of imbecils.

Come on, North Texas? On a boat? On a sunday..??

You know me better than that…I only drink Diet Soda. She was drinking a regular Coke.

Ha! Death by Aspertame!!

That is all.

Out.

– F

PS. Oh, and WHO did you get this information from, ANYWAY..? You sure do trust a lot of emails from a lot of random people. I mean, look at the can in the picture…it’s in Japanese. I thought the girl was in North Texas..?? And look at that warehouse…that does NOT look like an officially licensed Coca Cola storage facility..! Nope. It looks like a Costco…or a Super Wal-Mart…and yeah, those are kinda dirty.

PPS. And I don’t care WHAT that survey said that was taken at NYCU (and where the HECK is NYCU anyway??)…but I will never, ever, EVER believe that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilet seats!! Ha!! Seriously???? I live in New York city…I’ve seen public toilet seats so scary, grown men would rather go in their pants and just clean it up when they get home.

PPPS. …I’ve seen public toilet seats SO scary, you have to be 21 just to look at them.

PPPPS. …I’ve seen public toilet seats so scary, they wear Phantom of the Opera masks.

PPPPPS. (Yep, still going) …I’ve seen public toilet seats SO scary…the restroom attendant has to blindfold you before you enter the stall.

(Ok, I’m done.)

3 Comments

Filed under Mom & Dad...Gotta Love 'Em, Really America?

“A New Yorker’s Guide To Being A New Yorker. (Part 1)”

I consider myself a New Yorker.


I wasn’t born in New York, then again, most New Yorkers weren’t.

My family didn’t move to New York when I was 5 either. I’ve lived all over the world, in more cities than I can count on both hands…seriously. I haven’t even been here most of my life.

But I have lived here longer than I’ve lived anywhere else, and I’ve always considered it to be the first city that I’VE actually chosen to live in on my own.

I remember seeing New York City for the first time in 1992…

____________________________________

The Rules To Being A New Yorker:

(Photo by: Fidel Amos)

Rule #1: “Get The Frak Out Of My Way”

Yes, it’s a tall building. I know, I know, it’s REALLY FRAKKIN TALL. And there has to be at least, 1000 of them! They’re EVERYWHERE, right..?? Totally! Wait…what’s that..? They don’t have buildings this tall where you’re from..? REALLY..?? That’s incredible…well, why don’t you just stand in the middle of the sidewalk and take a look at them..? No, no, noooo…go ahead…take a picture too. I mean, your friends back home aren’t gonna BELIEVE this! Really? What’s that..? You HAVE no friends back home..? Ouch, well why not…

GET THE FRAK OUT OF MY WAY..!!!!

I don’t care what you’re doing..! I DON’T CAAAAAAAAAAARE..!!!!

Just MOOOOOOOOVE out of my frakkkkkkking way!!!

Move, move, moooooooooove!!!

Take your picture from ACROSS THE STREET..! Or IN THE STREET..!

Just mooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooove..!!!!!

___________________________________

…that concludes today’s lesson.

…later on I’ll give you another one.

– F

2 Comments

Filed under Hear Me Roar, New York City

“Welcome To New York City Kiddo…”


(Photo by: Fidel Amos)

* Note – For my first entry into this spontaneously-created “blog-O-mine”, I thought it best to stick to the subject in the tag line…which is New York City. This is the only time I promise to do this. Yes, most of my stories, thoughts, meanderings, complaints and joys will be written about New York City…but not ALL of them. I want to make this very clear to you now, here, at the beginning of it all. That way on some random Tuesday when I’m spouting off about why I believe American Idol is the worst show on television, you don’t start complaining that although yes, it IS the worst show on television, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the Big Apple. You’ll just sit back quietly, and let me finish barking.

Now with all of THAT out of the way…I present to you: “The Big Bad Apple…In A Nutshell.”

__________________________________________

* Go to TIMES SQUARE.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a New Yorker, it’s the plague. But for tourists, it’s Val Halla. Stare away kiddies. They’ve got everything from the M&M store to Broadway shows. However, standing outside 8 hours in the freezing cold on New Years night just to see a ball drop for 10 seconds is just plain ludacrous (tourist or not).

(Photo by: Fidel Amos)
(Photo by: Fidel Amos)

 

* Get a Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich from AMERICANA DELI on 101st & Broadway.

They’re huge, they’re greasy, they’re everything you’d expect a Philly Cheesesteak to be. They make them faster than anyone YOU’VE ever met, and it won’t cost you even a $10-spot…regardless of whether or not you add a 20 ounce soda. The only kicker is the guys working there hardly speak English, so thank God it’s an easy thing to translate.

“P H I L L Y, C H E E S E S T E A K, S A N D W I C H . . . “

* Visit CENTRAL PARK.

It’s just downright amazing. It’s a park as big as a small town. And unless you were born and raised in the Outback, or that area full of fields in between Kansas and Colorado, you’ll really be blown away by seemingly never ending expanse of good, green, earth. BONUS: Stand in the middle of Sheep’s Meadow. Having your feet on Mother Nature and being surrounded by a concrete jungle at the same time…remarkable.

(Photo by: Fidel Amos)

* Ride in a cab at least once.

Don’t do it TOO often, or you’ll lose all your spending money before you even get to the place you’re supposed to spend it! BONUS: Roller coasters have NOTHING on a pissed off foreigner speaking a language you’ve never heard of dodging traffic at 50 miles an hour as if the NYPD was on his tail!

photo by: Fidel Amos

* Try the corn (amongst other things) at CAFE HABANA.

This extremely tiny yet extremely cozy cafe-style mini-restaurant is near Little Italy on Prince & Elizabeth. I can’t really explain it to you, but you’ve never had anything like their corn on the cob, guaranteed. BONUS: You could eat 6 ears of it and it wouldn’t break your bank.

* ROCKEFELLER CENTER.

It’s cheesy, but there’s something about standing in line for an hour to skate for 5 minutes that warms your heart. Not to mention it’s near Radio City Music Hall and NBC and all that other hulabaloo that tourists love to check out. BONUS: That big-a** Christmas tree really IS friggin cool to look at during the holidays!

(photo by: Fidel Amos)

* Stay out til 4am!

It’s one of the few cities in America where the nightlife doesn’t even THINK about slowing down until 4 or 5am, and there are tons of things to get into even after THAT! Sure it’ll throw off your work schedule and probably cost you a hangover, but as we all know “Sometimes it feels SO good to be SO bad…”

* Take a picture with one or two of our NYPD or FDNY.

BONUS: They are a special breed of humans giving life and limb for mere pennies on the dollar, just so we can feel a little less screwed by the evil in our country. Taking a picture with them is (honestly) an awesome way to make em feel appreciated…trust me. DOWNER: Rub em the wrong way, and you’ll get shot 50 times (or if it’s the FDNY, you’ll get axed)..

(photo by: Fidel Amos)

Curse someone out.

Nothing makes you feel like a true New Yorker like picking some random person on some random street corner doing something random…and asking them what the f**k they’re looking at. They won’t know what the f**k you’re talking about, but they’ll kindly return the greeting with a “What the f**k did you just say??” or the ever popular “F**k you, you f**king f**k”. DOWNER: Be cautious, picking the wrong random person will get the NYPD called on you…and you’ll get shot 50 times.

* Head down to Battery Park to check out the STATUE OF LIBERTY.

Now, you don’t actually want to wait in line 3 hours for that stupid a** boat (which will probably make you vomit from being seasick) to take you to it (where you’ll discover it’s really NOT that big) where you’ll have to wait another 3 hours just to walk up it. You can see it just fine from the Manhattan side, and with the zoom on today’s digital cameras, you’ll even get a decent photo. Then lie and tell your friends it was fantastic, and they’ll grin and lie back about how they’ve already seen it. BONUS: In reality…THEY haven’t been inside of  it either.

* For no apparent reason whatsoever, scream out “I LOVE NEW YORK!”

Seriously. (Do it first now in the comfort of your own home to make sure you don’t sound like a total wuss when you scream). No one will care, no one will even look at you twice. BONUS: Someone might even reply “Why thank you. New York loves you too…”

* The EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.

Walk to 34th and 5th avenue. Stand under it, say something mundane like “Damn that’s a tall building!”, then walk away and do something else. They’ll charge you $35 to go to the top, and there’s nothing waiting for you there but a view you already knew you were gonna see anyway, and another line taking an hour just to get back down. Better idea, take the $35 (multiplied by the 5 members of your family, that’s $175) and go blow it on an IMAX film and an awesome NY dinner for you and the kids! BONUS: The best place to do this on a $175 budget is the Italian style restaurant, CARMINE’S (either the one in Times Square or the one uptown. The food’s fantastic, and served family style. This means every plate is big enough for 3-4 people…so dig in!

(photo by: Fidel Amos)

* Visit a random bar.

Pick one. On ANY street you come across in NY, walk in, sit at the bar, ask for a shot (for you and however many folks you’re with), pay for them (tip 20%!!), then thank the bartender, and walk out. This will give you the giggly energy (and temporary stamina) to handle walking another 20 NY blocks to go see the next sight…

(photo by: Fidel Amos)

– F

5 Comments

Filed under Globetrotting, New York City