Category Archives: This…I Just Don’t Get

“Perhaps One Day Things Will Be Different…REALLY Different.”

“Some people say racism in this country is a thing of the past. They say that ‘all men are created equal’ and that the signing of bills and the passing of laws 50 years ago has kept it that way.”

“Others say that racism is alive and well. They say that blacks are still looked down upon by whites and that things will never change. They say the recent events in NYC (let alone the rest of the country) speak for themselves; those events being (but not limited to) a white officer killing a black man by choke hold during what appeared to be a non-threatening situation, and two officers being assassinated by another black man as revenge for the first incident.”

“I try to hide my eyes from stories such as these. I try to pretend that it’s simply a ‘cops vs the bad guys’ scenario and keep to myself. I try to remember what it was like growing up as a mixed-race kid, being accepted by everyone I knew because although I was a different skin color, I was still a pleasant human being. The only problem is that doesn’t work because I wasn’t raised in the United States of America...”

“Things are different here.”

“They are obviously not how they were in years past, but they are still nowhere near as good as they could be. I still hear stories of black on white / white on black crime, initiated simply because someone was black or white. I still feel uneasy feelings during certain instances in my life…instances caused simply by me being ‘not white’.”

“I still find newly-carved swastikas every now and then, such as this one that popped up overnight on the same bench I sit on every day waiting for my 6 train ride home.”


Screen Shot 2014-12-21 at 2.24.38 PM
“Perhaps one day things will be different…REALLY different. Perhaps one day black and white, 
Jew and Gentile, male and female will all be considered equal…TRULY equal.”

“And perhaps I’ll still be alive to see it…”

– F
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“Women Should Laugh Whenever They Please.”

This is Seda, one of the funniest, coolest, most beautiful Turkish women I know.

(photo: Fidel Amos)

(photo: Fidel Amos)

The Deputy Prime Minister of her country, Bulent Arinc, recently said during an Eid el-Fitr meeting (which marked the end of the Muslim period of fasting, Ramadan) that a woman “should not laugh loudly in front of all the world and should preserve her decency at all times.“ He went on to say “A man should be moral but women should be moral as well, they should know what is decent and what is not decent,” (TheGuardian.com):

Bulent Arinc (photo: Onedio.com)

Bulent Arinc (photo: Onedio.com)

To me, hearing someone make a statement like that is equivalent to hearing someone say “Don’t laugh”, “Don’t smile”, or “Don’t be happy”. I wonder, why would a person want someone else to suppress their happiness? Even more so, I wonder, why would a man want another human being to hide their happiness just because she’s a woman?

I wonder, if he knew the difficulties of being a woman in today’s man-run world, would he say such things?

If he knew what it was like to live in a country where your leaders make public statements regarding when and how you should show physical happiness, would he say such things?

If he was a father or husband whose stress, hardships and everyday emotional burdens could be blown out like a match upon hearing the joyous laughter of his wife or daughter when arriving home, would he say such things?

…if he knew how bold, sincere and intoxicating my friend Seda’s laugh was, would he say such things?

– F

#direnkahkaha #direnkadin

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The President: “To Respect Or Not To Respect?”

Well ladies and gentlemen, the hour is upon us.

In just a few weeks our country will be voting on its next President. I promised myself I wouldn’t begin writing on this particular subject matter…mostly because I think it’s a controversial topic of discussion, quick to pit friends and family members against one another and I hardly have the desire or time to argue with my readers. The other reason I have for not wanting to open the proverbial “can of worms” that is political conversations is the simple fact that there are hundreds of issues to discuss regarding politics. There are multiple candidates to choose from, numerous positions and stands that each of them represents, bills and laws to concur with that each of them may or may not pass…not to mention the moral, religious, economical, judiciary and scholastic views they represent.

…but I digress.

One area of the political world I would like to quickly rant on is the bad-mouthing, poo-flinging and general disrespect I constantly see hurled in the direction of the office of the President of this country. I remember when the title of Commander In Chief deserved a salute or a handshake, regardless of one’s political opinion or vote. I remember when this country used to respect the office of the President of the United States simply because it was what it was.

Now we have millionaire, attention-hungry windbags like Donald Trump throwing money at it like it’s a street whore.

I’m not saying that I’m a fan (or not) of our current President, or even the one before him. (As I mentioned earlier, I’ll keep who I did and didn’t vote for to myself…no arguments for me today) It just seems to me that all we ever do as Americans now is curse the President, talk about him on television, berate him with signs in our front yards and now publicly offer him money to do something just because we feel it should be done. Perhaps it’s my “old school” way of thinking, but the President is not some “friend of ours”. He’s not some clown who’s paid to be laughed at. He’s not some showgirl or pole-dancer on a platform showing skin for dollars.

He’s the President.

It’s true we can think what we want about him as obviously not all of us voted for him, but when we start to do these “public finger-pointing sessions” I have to admit it really breaks my heart as an American. I can’t imagine someone calling their boss (or their spouse’s boss) names on Facebook. I can’t imagine someone calling their parents (or their friend’s parents) something other than sir or m’am in public. I can’t imagine someone trash-talking a general, veteran or Supreme Court judge to their faces. Why? Because I believe their title earns them a certain amount of respect publicly regardless of how they may feel about them privately. Yet, the leader of our country, the one person we as American should at least treat like a human being when we come across him…gets spit on metaphorically and belittled verbally as if he were our worst enemy.

It’s sad, pathetic and I’m vehemently opposed to it.

We should know better than that America…and we should be ashamed of ourselves.

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Filed under Controversy...Ya Gotta Love It, Hear Me Roar, Really America?, This...I Just Don't Get

Fidelis Maximus vs The “Nutella Lawsuit”.

Foreword.

This is in response to an article a friend of mine pointed out to me yesterday in Yahoo! Finance which spoke of a lawsuit against Ferrero, the company that makes Nutella….my favorite chocolate treat of all time. 

The following is an excerpt from said article:

“…Ferrero, the company that manufactures the highly addictive yet apparently not terribly healthy spread, has settled a $3 million lawsuit filed in February 2011 by San Diego mom Athena Hohenberg. Hohenberg, it seems, believed that Nutella was a great dietary choice for her four-year-old daughter. She claimed the company’s advertising — particularly giving TV-ad viewers the idea that Nutella was part of a nutritious breakfast (see ad below) — led to her erroneous perception. But when she realized the spread is about as healthy as your average Snickers bar, she decided it was time to get even — and get cash.”

(Click anywhere in the excerpt above to read the article in its entirety on Yahoo! Finance)

 _____________________

(2010 Nutella Commercial)

_____________________


The short of it…?

* I think I can safely say that anyone who decides to sue Nutella because they thought it’d be good for them is an idiot.

* The judge that didn’t throw this case and her out of court is an idiot too.

* And everyone that had anything to do with taking this case to that court in the first place…? They’re idiots as well.

* The fact that this lawsuit (and all lawsuits as idiotic as this one in years past) could even be possible in this country is baffling beyond words and in itself a large enough topic to be discussed at a later date.

* The lawsuit also allows anyone who has bought Nutella in a certain two year span to jump aboard the ‘we didn’t know it was as fattening as we thought it’d be’ train and collect up to $20 as well. For the record, I don’t care if it said ‘the next time Nutella touches Fidel Amos’ lips he’ll die’ on every jar, I wouldn’t support a lawsuit against my beloved Nutella or its makers, Ferrero.

The long of it..?

Athena Hohenberg of San Diego, California seriously thought Nutella was going to be a good dietary choice for her 4-year old..?

Actually, while we’re on that subject, why is her 4-year old on a diet in the first place..? Is she a heavy 4-year old? Perhaps the kind of heavy 4-year old that might be heavy in the first place because she eats everything that her mom places in front of her face..? Could it be that her mother has no idea what to feed her (proven, yes, by her mother’s own admittance of “dietary choice” selection) and that’s why she’s heavy in the first place, with or without the Nutella?

I wonder if the same genius that won Athena her millions will work for me? I wonder if I can convince that lawyer to convince the same judge that Athena had to try my case so I can sue her for A) not only being an idiot for believing any commercial whatsoever that appears on television, but B) for slandering the name of something that has been near and dear to my life ever since I can remember what something sweet tasted like….?”

 

– F

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“No Mr. President, You Can’t Have My $3.00.”

Foreward.
I usually ignore emails sent to me regarding campaign donating of any kind…especially around this time every four years when the Presidential race goes into overdrive. This particular letter, however, I simply could not ignore….you’ll read why below.– F

___________________________________________________

Here is the email I received…
________________________________________________
…and here is my response.

“Mr. Gifford,”

“I would be lying to you if I said I was a person that cared about politics. I would be lying to you if I said the reason I’m on your mailing list is because I wanted Obama to become President a second term and not because I was being nice to the girl with the clipboard at the last fundraising cocktail hour I attended. Hell, I’d even be lying to you if I told you I voted for him the first time around.”

“I’d also be lying if I told you I was the kind of person that would give three of my hard-earned, unemployed, American dollars toward your cause after reading the part about you “taking care of airfare and accommodations” for two random strangers to “enjoy and evening” with the President and an actor who, unless I’m mistaken, has no political position in our country’s White House…regardless of how handsome, charming and morally upstanding he may be. Granted, I too, being not only American but a picture-hungry photojournalist to boot, would love the chance to wine and dine with an A-lister and the Commander In Chief, but I have one serious issue with this scenario Mr. Gifford: how can you justify spending countless hard-earned, unemployed, American dollars to fly two adults to Los Angeles, put them in a hotel and wine and dine them for an evening “A-list style” just for donating $3…??”

“Let alone the fact that this would seem absurdly uneconomical to anyone that’s ever taken a business class…did you (and by default your office and thus the office of the President) not get the memo saying our country was going through a depression? Did you not notice the ever-growing hatred among lower income Americans towards their money-spending, email-sending, campaign-racing counterparts on Capital Hill?”

“Perhaps it would better serve your fundraising needs if you sent out emails to the American public telling them that you’re not wasting their money to fly random, non-political people across the country to have pointless, media-friendly events with folks that could be using their talents and power elsewhere. Perhaps you’d get a more positive response from the people of this country if the emails mentioned instead that their $3 would be used to help put a man back into office that will help them with their job-losing, welfare-needing lives.”

“I’d give three of my hard-earned, unemployed, American dollars to someone who wrote me an email like that….and I’d make sure everyone I knew did the same. You have my word on that Mr. Gifford.”

“…you can trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

– Fidel Amos

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“Hell Hath No Fury Like A Naval Wife Scorned.”

The United States Navy announced yesterday that after years of maintaining tradition, they’re finally deciding to remove one of the last military-related sex barriers, by allowing women to serve on submarines.

This is the first time that women will be stationed on submarines since 1994, the year the Navy began allowing them to serve on all surface ships.

The only people to protest this change..?

The wives of the sailors.

The surprising part, however, is that their primary concern wasn’t their husbands cheating on them, but that unqualified female sailors might potentially take jobs from their husbands.

REALLY..??

Come on now…THAT’S the reason you’re worried..?

– F

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“Fidelis Maximus vs. Cosmopolitan.”

I’m reading Cosmopolitan magazine.

Right here. Right now.

Don’t waste your time wondering WHY I’m  reading Cosmopolitan. Any cries of foul play against my manly persona would be quickly dismissed with the typical “I live with my girlfriend and she has it lying around” comment. And for those of you that know me better than my newer readers, you know that wouldn’t matter anyway. I’d read a Cosmo any day of the week if I found one lying around. I’m curious (and easily entertained) like that.

…but I digress.

I’m on page 151 of their May 2010 issue, and there are 100 relationship questions being answered by three Psychologists at the PhD level. And, well, I disagree with them. Sure, some could argue that OF COURSE I’m going to disagree with them because I’m A) a male, and B) a non PhD holder.

However…

One thing I do have is 15 years of dating experience. Doesn’t THAT count for something? If I needed my car fixed, I’d take it to the guy with 15 years of experience. If I needed a Head Coach for my football team, I’d take the guy with 15 years of experience. So if you’re wondering if I’m adequately qualified to even bother answering these questions…the answer is yes.

With that said (and with my desire to write about SOMETHING kicking into high gear) I present to you:

Fidelis Maximus vs. Cosmopolitan

(and indirectly, vs. three Doctors)

_______________________________________________

Question #1

It’s been 4 days since the date, and he hasn’t called. Is he not into it?

C: “Maybe. Email and say you had a great time. If he doesn’t take the bait, move on mentally.

F: Um, YEAH. If it’s been 4 days and he hasn’t called, you should not only move on mentally, but you might want to plan for the future next time. For example, if you thought he was that hot of a catch, next time take HIS number. As a matter of fact, let’s make that Rule #1: “Be the number TAKER, not the number GIVER.” If someone tries to get your number, at least get theirs as well…only if you think you might be interested of course. Don’t take it if you don’t plan on calling. Otherwise they’ll be writing Cosmo in four days trying to figure out if they did something wrong. And that would just make you an a**hole…and you don’t want to be an a**hole do you? DO YOU?

Question #10

Should I play hard to get even if we’ve been dating for a few years?

C: Sometimes. It maintains a sense of mystery that keeps him panting.

F: Absolutely not. We’ve gone through this trouble (and these few years) trying to get to know one another and learning to read each others tell-tales, secrets, habits, and quirks. Why on earth would you try to play hard to get AGAIN?? Didn’t you do enough of that in the FIRST place, when I was trying my d***dest to get your number..?? Believe me, if he wants a sense of mystery he’ll stop dating you and start dating someone he DOESN’T know. You wanna play cute? Fine. You wanna play sexy, or dangerous, or something new? Fine. You wanna start dressing up in Catholic schoolgirl outfits and smacking me on my backside every time I go to grab the tv remote because you think it’ll spice up the relationship? Fine. But playing hard to get? No thank you. We’ve played that game already.

Question #20

Do ultimatums work?

C: They can. But give one only if you’re positive you won’t wimp out and not follow through.

F: If you’re an NYPD officer, and you and a murderer are pointing guns at each other in a standoff, and you yell out “Put that down or I’ll shoot!”, then yes, in that situation, an ultimatum might work. In a relationship however, you really shouldn’t even BE in a situation where you need to USE an ultimatum. Work it out. Figure it out. Try and try again…or not. Either way, it’s not healthy. If they do something you can’t stand, or they’re someone you’re not, or they’re living a lifestyle you don’t want to be a part of…walk away. They may hate you now, but you’ll love yourself later. And besides, who really wants to find themselves at 630am, in the bathroom, screaming at their significant other from behind a shower curtain “I said IT’S NOT FUNNY!! If you pour cold water on me ONE MORE TIME, I’M LEAVING!!”

Question #34

I attract guys who turn out to be douche-bags. Why can’t I find a good one?

C: You’re choosing them, so you have a hard time seeing red flags. Enlist a friend to point them out.

F: Stop hanging around places where douche-bags hang out. Stop allowing yourself to be caught up and impressed by douche-bags. Stop PRETENDING you don’t know what a douche-bag is, or how to avoid them. If they treat you wrong, treat your friends wrong, have no potential (or even the want) to be anything other than a douche-bag, beat you, scream and curse at you, throw stuff at you, disrespect you, belittle you, or generally act like they don’t give 2-cents about you…chances are they’re a douche-bag. If you need any further clues as to how a douche-bag acts, think of the last 5 guys you dated, THEY were all douche-bags. Stop seeing guys that act LIKE THEM.

Question #35

How long should we date before living together?

C: A year.

F: Trying to tell you how many years you need to date before living together is like trying to guess how many people you’ll have to date before you find the ONE. It depends. It depends on you, and them, and finances, religion, work, location, opportunity, time, space, fate, God, and entire list of things that most people have absolutely NO control over. The point is it’s different for everyone. Stop worrying about how long you should date, and how soon you should move in together, and when you should get married. Stop worrying about the relationship, just BE IN the relationship. Next thing you know you’ll be celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary, or your 50th year of being single. Either way, you will have saved yourself the stress of worrying about it.

Question #39

What is the best way to get over an ex?

C: Giving it time. And replacing his number with a friend’s in your cell, so when you call, you reach her.

F: Again, trying to answer this question is ridiculous. It depends on how long you were together, how much you cared for the person, how the relationship ended, and a hundred other variables. Some people get over their ex in a week, some people are so devastated by an ex relationship that they never find another mate, and live out the rest of their days alone. People are people, and life is life…which, in short, means there are an infinite number of ways to get over an ex. ONE thing is for sure however. Whatever you need to do to get over that ex, it’d be a good idea to get over them BEFORE you’re in the next relationship…not during.

Question #42

Do guys kiss and tell?

C: Men bond by doing stuff, not by talking, so your sex life isn’t being dissected.

F: If this were regarding ANTHING other than “kissing and telling”, I’d say you were mostly right about the “bonding by doing stuff” comment. No, men don’t talk a lot while they’re bonding. If they did, they’d be women. HOWEVER, in matters of kissing…and touching, groping, dry-humping, banging, spooning, showering, and leaving the next morning…I’d say that YES, they most DEFINITELY talk about you. Whatever could’ve happened, whatever did happen, and wherever it happened will most than likely be discussed. There’s no doubt in my mind that men talk about that more than women do. As I said before, I could be wrong…I’m no Doctor. But I do spend more time with more women and more men than most people I know…and I know what we talk about while we’re there. And believe me, it’s not caulking.

Question #43

I cheated, but I want to stay together. Do I confess?

C: No. Figure out why you did it, then put your effort into fixing that aspect of the relationship.

F: YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! TELL THEM!! And know that I’m dead serious when I tell you that. Sure, it might get you yelled at, it might get you cursed at, it might even cost you your relationship. But unless I’m wrong, NO ONE wants to be cheated on and not told. Plus carrying the burden of doing what you’ve done and knowing what you know is too much for one person, and you won’t be able to ask your partner to help you with that burden if you keep it a secret. Not to mention you most DEFINITELY don’t want that coming back to bite you on the night of your 50th wedding anniversary. There are 6 billion people on this earth not including your significant other. Cheating is tempting, and in most cases easy to get away with. If you did it, confess to it. If they’re willing to forgive you, THEN put effort into fixing whatever you need to fix in your relationship to get it back to the way it was before you started cheating. If they leave you however, just remember, you brought that on yourself. It’s called living AND LEARNING people…not just living. Don’t want go get left? Don’t cheat. Don’t want to cheat? Stop hanging around with your ex. Stop working late with the hot, single blonde. Stop getting drunk in situations where there are people ready and willing to take advantage of your drunkenness. You won’t have to figure out whether or not to confess if there’s nothing TO confess…

Question #52

He asked how many men I’ve slept with. What can I say that’s not specific?

C: My number is more than Mother Teresa’s but less than Warren Beatty’s.

F: “It’s none of your friggin business how many men I’ve slept with, it was in the past. If you’re worried about my past then you should’ve dated me in the past…THEN it would’ve been your business, .” <— That’s what you say that’s not specific.

Question #55

He gave me his number, when should I call?

C: After 48 hours. Any later and it’s a ploy; any earlier and it’s desperate.

F: Again, this answer cannot be correctly given because the situation depends on too many variables. If you met him out and about in a group of 20 other people at say, a BBQ, cocktail hour or some other social gathering, and you were kind of interested, then call him in a couple days. If you met him in the morning while on vacation in some ridiculously beautiful country you’ve never been to and breakfast was a picnic in the park and somehow you both enjoyed your company so much that you walked the city all day learning about each other and then had lunch on the beach and went sightseeing for a few more hours and started holding hands and dinner was at a restaurant on a hill under a perfectly starlit night and then after 15 hours together you were forced to get in a cab and go back to your hotel and he says “Call me when you get there so I know you’re safe” then you CALL HIM WHEN YOU GET THERE. The point is there IS no right time to call, so call whenever you feel is right. If you don’t ever feel like calling, then don’t…because it probably ISN’T right.

Question #63

How many dates should I go on before sleeping with him?

C: Four is a good number.

F: Four would be a good number…?? Hell, MARRIAGE would be a good number. How about when you’re IN LOVE? Or when you’re COMFORTABLE ENOUGH to not be worrying about how many dates you have or haven’t been on..?? Those are good numbers too, I’m sure.

Question #71

Why did he take my number and not call?

C: He wanted the ego boost, not you.

F: For the same reason you bought that $75 dress on sale from $400 but let it sit in your closet for 3 months before wearing it. Things change. People change. Numbers change. And alcohol changes ALL of that even more. So he was gonna call you…and didn’t. Sue him. You didn’t like him that much anyway. How do I know? Because you didn’t follow Rule #1. What’s Rule #1..?? I just told you, you forgot already?? Geesh…

“Be the number TAKER, not the number GIVER.”

Question #80

When is the right time to say “I love you”?

C: Wait at least 90 days. It takes that long to know it’s not just lust.

F: The moment you love that person. 90 seconds. 90 days. 90 months. Who cares? Let’s be adults here…you know what lust is. You know what love is. If you’re young still and you DON’T know what love is…it’s that earth shattering feeling that kind of FEELS like lust…only 100 times worse. Trust me, you’ll know it when you feel it. When that happens, TELL THEM.

Question #91

I’ve never seen him cry. Weird?

C: No, guys grow up believing tears are emasculating. So you’ll have to tell him you think opening up is sexy.

F: Guys don’t think tears are emasculating, we think they represent exactly what everyone ELSE thinks they represent: sadness, sorrow, depression, loss, pain, and strife. And since they’re human, just like everyone ELSE, they’d rather not be IN a situation where they’re sad, sorrowful, depressed, in pain, in strife, or have lost someone…so they’d rather NOT cry. As a matter of fact, unless I’m dead wrong, I’m pretty sure NO ONE on earth would want to cry if they could help it.

PS. Seriously Cosmo..? “You’ll have to tell him you think opening up is sexy”..?? Why would a woman WANT her man to cry? I can understand wanting him to open up, but why would anyone think ANYONE crying is sexy..?

Question #100

I still get crushes even though I’m married. Is that healthy?

C: Yes. Crushes bring back that sexy, single-girl feeling your guy found irresistible when you first met.

F: No. Crushes outside of your marriage AREN’T healthy. You’re MARRIED. You want crushes? Stay single and hit the town with your friends every couple of days. Go to the beach with your friends and play some music, drink some beers, and hold your crush by the hand in the firelight. What’s that you say? You’re not 17 anymore..? Oh, and you’re married..?? So what do you still want a crush for..??? Go home to your husband. Go out with HIM. Go to the beach and hold HIS hand in the firelight. You want to bring back that sexy, single-girl feeling?

…then go be single.

– F

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