Category Archives: Really America?

April 28, 2012 · 5:08 am

Fidelis Maximus vs The “Nutella Lawsuit”.

Foreword.

This is in response to an article a friend of mine pointed out to me yesterday in Yahoo! Finance which spoke of a lawsuit against Ferrero, the company that makes Nutella….my favorite chocolate treat of all time. 

The following is an excerpt from said article:

“…Ferrero, the company that manufactures the highly addictive yet apparently not terribly healthy spread, has settled a $3 million lawsuit filed in February 2011 by San Diego mom Athena Hohenberg. Hohenberg, it seems, believed that Nutella was a great dietary choice for her four-year-old daughter. She claimed the company’s advertising — particularly giving TV-ad viewers the idea that Nutella was part of a nutritious breakfast (see ad below) — led to her erroneous perception. But when she realized the spread is about as healthy as your average Snickers bar, she decided it was time to get even — and get cash.”

(Click anywhere in the excerpt above to read the article in its entirety on Yahoo! Finance)

 _____________________

(2010 Nutella Commercial)

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The short of it…?

* I think I can safely say that anyone who decides to sue Nutella because they thought it’d be good for them is an idiot.

* The judge that didn’t throw this case and her out of court is an idiot too.

* And everyone that had anything to do with taking this case to that court in the first place…? They’re idiots as well.

* The fact that this lawsuit (and all lawsuits as idiotic as this one in years past) could even be possible in this country is baffling beyond words and in itself a large enough topic to be discussed at a later date.

* The lawsuit also allows anyone who has bought Nutella in a certain two year span to jump aboard the ‘we didn’t know it was as fattening as we thought it’d be’ train and collect up to $20 as well. For the record, I don’t care if it said ‘the next time Nutella touches Fidel Amos’ lips he’ll die’ on every jar, I wouldn’t support a lawsuit against my beloved Nutella or its makers, Ferrero.

The long of it..?

Athena Hohenberg of San Diego, California seriously thought Nutella was going to be a good dietary choice for her 4-year old..?

Actually, while we’re on that subject, why is her 4-year old on a diet in the first place..? Is she a heavy 4-year old? Perhaps the kind of heavy 4-year old that might be heavy in the first place because she eats everything that her mom places in front of her face..? Could it be that her mother has no idea what to feed her (proven, yes, by her mother’s own admittance of “dietary choice” selection) and that’s why she’s heavy in the first place, with or without the Nutella?

I wonder if the same genius that won Athena her millions will work for me? I wonder if I can convince that lawyer to convince the same judge that Athena had to try my case so I can sue her for A) not only being an idiot for believing any commercial whatsoever that appears on television, but B) for slandering the name of something that has been near and dear to my life ever since I can remember what something sweet tasted like….?”

 

– F

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May 13, 2010 · 5:55 am

“Apparently Soda CAN Kill You…”

Hey gang.

I just had to re-post this email that my Dad sent me a while back (and my response to it). I just couldn’t stop laughing..!

– F

PS. Love you Dad!!!!!

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*The Email From My Dad*

From: Hosea Amos
To: Fidel Amos
Subject: FW: Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be carefullllllllllllllllllThis is Serious!!!!!!!!!

Hi Fidel.

This story is true. It is not restricted to soda cans, it pertains to all cans. Mama and I wash all of the can foods and
drinks before we open them. Please do the same.

Love You,

Daddy


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*The Original Message*

Happy Holidays To All!

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be carefullllllllllllllllll

This is Serious!

This incident happened recently in North Texas .
A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday.
The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis.
Rat urine conta ins toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.
A study at NYCU showed that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (i.e).. full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident.

Please forward this message to all the people you care about.
(I JUST DID)


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*My response*

Dear Dad,

It saddens me to actually think of all of the precious time that you’ve lost sending me this “Warning: You might die” email. It must have taken at least 3 sweet minutes out of your importantly busy, retired, italian style day to paste this into an email and hit ‘forward’.

Dad…

…you could have been doing so much more with your time.

Like taking a walk, enjoying the people, practicing italian, eating a merendina, smooching on my Mom (gross!), watching a western, reading the Bible, cooking spaghetti, eating Nutella, taking nap, taking TWO naps…

The point is, next time, just shoot me an email that says:

“Hey son, heard there were some knuckleheads out there dying…sucking on dirty soda cans. Ha! Ok. gotta go, your Mamma’s callin me.”

And I’ll laugh about it with ya, and then be on my merry way. It only takes 30 seconds, and then you can spend the other 2 and 1/2 minutes doing the stuff that I mentioned before.

Because come on, of all the things that I do, ONE of them is not sucking on dirty soda cans. Geesh. How many times have I heard it “Wipe the top of that can boy…don’t make me jump on you. And even if you didn’t teach me as well as you did (and let’s face it, you did), my simple life experiences and personal hygiend standards would keep me out of that particular bracket of imbecils.

Come on, North Texas? On a boat? On a sunday..??

You know me better than that…I only drink Diet Soda. She was drinking a regular Coke.

Ha! Death by Aspertame!!

That is all.

Out.

– F

PS. Oh, and WHO did you get this information from, ANYWAY..? You sure do trust a lot of emails from a lot of random people. I mean, look at the can in the picture…it’s in Japanese. I thought the girl was in North Texas..?? And look at that warehouse…that does NOT look like an officially licensed Coca Cola storage facility..! Nope. It looks like a Costco…or a Super Wal-Mart…and yeah, those are kinda dirty.

PPS. And I don’t care WHAT that survey said that was taken at NYCU (and where the HECK is NYCU anyway??)…but I will never, ever, EVER believe that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilet seats!! Ha!! Seriously???? I live in New York city…I’ve seen public toilet seats so scary, grown men would rather go in their pants and just clean it up when they get home.

PPPS. …I’ve seen public toilet seats SO scary, you have to be 21 just to look at them.

PPPPS. …I’ve seen public toilet seats so scary, they wear Phantom of the Opera masks.

PPPPPS. (Yep, still going) …I’ve seen public toilet seats SO scary…the restroom attendant has to blindfold you before you enter the stall.

(Ok, I’m done.)

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May 9, 2010 · 8:28 pm

“Why Americans STILL Don’t Watch Soccer…Even Though They SHOULD.”

* NOTE * –> “My father is American and my mother is Italian, so I spent most of my life in Europe before moving here to NY in 2002. Having an Amerian/Italian point of view qualifies me to say what I’m about to say…however harsh it may sound. Just remember, it’s MY point of view…it doesn’t have to be yours.”

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“Soccer is the greatest sport in the world.”

“It’s been played for hundreds (and arguably thousands) of years by millions of people in thousands of countries. Every four years the World Cup is watched by billions (yes, BILLIONS) of people. To compare it to any American sport (especially friggin baseball) simply does NOT do it justice…so I won’t even try.”

“I will, however, put in my two cents on why I believe it’s less popular and less watched here in America than everywhere else in the world. As I mentioned before, having lived in multiple countries throughout my life has really opened up my eyes to the cultural differences BETWEEN those countries…socially as well as recreationally. With all that said…here are my theories on the matter.”

“THEORY #1: America is one of the youngest countries in the world…only about 300 years old to be exact. Most of the other countries in the world are 10 times that old…at LEAST. Those older countries are the ones that have been living, learning, and fighting over which cultures, practices and social activities will live and die on this planet…and most of those decisions were made while America was still in the womb, in a manner of speaking. So, since the rest of the world has been learning how to play soccer before the US, it’s only natural that the US is worse at the game than other countries. The problem is America loves winners. They love dominating, scoring, and defeating the competition. They don’t like losing. They don’t like following teams that lose. And they don’t like playing sports that they lose at. And since they can’t play soccer as well as the rest of the world (because they learned it 100’s of years after everyone else), they would rather just not follow the sport as much.”

“THEORY #2: Americans have no patience…at all. They want it all, they want it how they want it, and they want it now. Since soccer is a game of fewer goals, fewer points, and fewer scoring opportunities than most other sports in the world, Americans begin to develop international A.D.D., and simply choose to stop watching.”

“THEORY #3: America’s world of sports is run more by money and corporations rather than actual fan-base, honor, and love of the game. Ads create money. Endorsements create money. And it’s because of this that during the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, NHL Finals, and the World Series, hundreds of TV time-outs, ad time-outs, and commercial endorsement time-outs are plastered in and around the game. Stopping the game, pausing the game, reviewing the game, rewinding the game, and re-playing highlights from the game is how America likes to watch its sports. Americans simply can’t comprehend playing a game for 45 minutes without commercial interruption, having a small halftime, and then playing 45 more minutes of un-interrupted 2nd half.”

“I have a PLENTY of other theories on soccer, but they don’t relate to the topic in the title of this blog, so I’ll spare you all any of my personal thoughts on the matter. My love for the game of soccer supersedes that of all other sports. The Italian gene that controls what sporting event I will and will not watch has definitely overpowered the American one in my body.”

“I don’t mind football (college of course, the NFL’s has ceased to amaze me since I followed the 49’ers in the early ’90’s). Baseball’s fun to play but absolute torture to watch most of the time…even Americans admit to this. Tennis is ok live…something about the 1-on-1 of it all. Boxing I won’t even get INTO to…let’s just say I’m not a fan. And I’ve never actually SEEN a hockey game, tennis round, polo match or rugby game played in their entirety.”


“Soccer will forever remain the beautiful game. It doesn’t matter if it’s a UEFA match on XBox, a Serie A match on TV, a pick-up game outside my apartment, or the World Cup in person…I’m there, and I’m LOVING IT.”

– F

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April 30, 2010 · 4:19 am

“Hell Hath No Fury Like A Naval Wife Scorned.”

The United States Navy announced yesterday that after years of maintaining tradition, they’re finally deciding to remove one of the last military-related sex barriers, by allowing women to serve on submarines.

This is the first time that women will be stationed on submarines since 1994, the year the Navy began allowing them to serve on all surface ships.

The only people to protest this change..?

The wives of the sailors.

The surprising part, however, is that their primary concern wasn’t their husbands cheating on them, but that unqualified female sailors might potentially take jobs from their husbands.

REALLY..??

Come on now…THAT’S the reason you’re worried..?

– F

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April 27, 2010 · 6:11 pm

“We Need To Try Harder America…”

We used to be the best.

By “we” I mean “us” and by “us” I mean “U.S.”

When I was younger (not younger partying myself stupid in college, younger as in I still carried lunch in a lunch box) I was moved a lot, as my father and mother were in the military and the military has its ways of sending you wherever the military needs you. Some would consider this a curse, us Army brats just considered this standard operating procedure. Before I was ten years old I had lived in South Korea, the U.S.A., Germany and Italy, and had visited at least a dozen cities in three of those countries.

Most of the memories I have of that part of my life are here and there, topsy turvy, spare the moment type flashbacks. ONE constant I DO remember however, no matter which country I was in or what city I was passing through, was the fact that America was #1.

When I was a kid the U.S. had the best music, the newest television shows, the hippest clothes, the biggest budget movies, and the baddest-a** military. America had Michael Jackson, Luke Skywalker, Tron, The Police, the A-Team, Knight Rider, Madonna, and MTV. I saw this first hand growing up in countries OTHER than the U.S. They were wearing our styles, singing our lyrics, and calling us on the phone when their countries were going to war with someone and they thought they’d need backup.

If you were from here, you were American.

And if you were American you were GOLDEN.

Somewhere along the way all of that changed. Somehow we became less cool, less dependable, less original…less trust-worthy. The rest of the world began to move ahead of us, one by one, staring at us with that “get outta the way” look as their country passed ours on the global highway.

They began to advance technologically. They started making bigger blockbusters with smaller budgets. They began buying all the oil and all the gold and all the land. Their leaders started making OUR leaders look incompetent, when merely ONE World War ago they were asking “how high?” whenever our Commander in Chief said “jump”.

My concern lies not with the fact that the rest of the world keeps trying to surpass us. We’re the Big Dog…and all puppies want to be like the Big Dog.

The real problem begins when even WE know we’re slacking, but still don’t seem to care enough to change.

How can we once again be the forerunners? What do we have to do to change our current “U…S…A” chant back to the ever-popular, vanity-based “We’re number ONE…we’re number ONE”..?

Maybe we could stop the greedy overtakings of our smaller companies by the corrupt, cynical practices of our larger corporations. Maybe we could provide jobs instead of firing them, laying them off and outsourcing them to Lord KNOWS where simply because it saves half a buck. Maybe we could come up with original screenplays and original movies, instead of RE-MAKING everything because it worked the first time…or 2 times…or 3 times. Maybe we could go out and LIVE reality instead of watching it on television every day, and perhaps change our wardrobes, slang, and hairstyles into something other than the “vintage” ones we were using 30 years ago. Maybe we could prevent the California fires, Oklahoma City bombings, Katrina hurricanes, Michael Jackson overdoses, and 9/11’s here in our own front yard instead of going over to help our neighbors with theirs first because, ya know, they EXPECT us to.

And IF NOTHING ELSE…maybe we could rank higher than EIGHTEENTH in Education among the World’s top thirty six industrial nations.

Whatever it is America…it needs to stop NOW.

We need to put our foot on the gas pedal and pull back in front. We need to help “us”, help “U.S.”

We need to give the rest of the world some competition again for crying out loud.

We need to try harder…

– F

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