Monthly Archives: May 2010

“It May Be A S.M.A.R.T. Car, But It Doesn’t LOOK Like One!”

“As most of you know, the US has recently been invaded by a teeny, tiny, non-gas guzzling car called the SMART.
(aka: Swatch Mercedes Art)”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m Earth-Conscious and all, but this thing’s dispicably tiny, can barely reach 70 mph, and would probably explode into a million pieces if hit by anything else…I was totally against the silly little thing…”

“…and then my mother sent me THESE pictures in an email!”

The Smerrari

The Smaudi A3, AWD
The Smorsche
The Smorvette
“Now that my eyes have been opened to it’s vast array of cosmetically enhanced appearances, I definitely want one!”
“Perhaps a Smamborghini…!!!!!!!!!!”
– F
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Filed under Blog Quickies, Mom & Dad...Gotta Love 'Em

“Apparently Soda CAN Kill You…”

Hey gang.

I just had to re-post this email that my Dad sent me a while back (and my response to it). I just couldn’t stop laughing..!

– F

PS. Love you Dad!!!!!

——————————————————————————–

*The Email From My Dad*

From: Hosea Amos
To: Fidel Amos
Subject: FW: Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be carefullllllllllllllllllThis is Serious!!!!!!!!!

Hi Fidel.

This story is true. It is not restricted to soda cans, it pertains to all cans. Mama and I wash all of the can foods and
drinks before we open them. Please do the same.

Love You,

Daddy


——————————————————————————–

*The Original Message*

Happy Holidays To All!

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be carefullllllllllllllllll

This is Serious!

This incident happened recently in North Texas .
A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday.
The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis.
Rat urine conta ins toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.
A study at NYCU showed that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (i.e).. full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident.

Please forward this message to all the people you care about.
(I JUST DID)


——————————————————————————–

*My response*

Dear Dad,

It saddens me to actually think of all of the precious time that you’ve lost sending me this “Warning: You might die” email. It must have taken at least 3 sweet minutes out of your importantly busy, retired, italian style day to paste this into an email and hit ‘forward’.

Dad…

…you could have been doing so much more with your time.

Like taking a walk, enjoying the people, practicing italian, eating a merendina, smooching on my Mom (gross!), watching a western, reading the Bible, cooking spaghetti, eating Nutella, taking nap, taking TWO naps…

The point is, next time, just shoot me an email that says:

“Hey son, heard there were some knuckleheads out there dying…sucking on dirty soda cans. Ha! Ok. gotta go, your Mamma’s callin me.”

And I’ll laugh about it with ya, and then be on my merry way. It only takes 30 seconds, and then you can spend the other 2 and 1/2 minutes doing the stuff that I mentioned before.

Because come on, of all the things that I do, ONE of them is not sucking on dirty soda cans. Geesh. How many times have I heard it “Wipe the top of that can boy…don’t make me jump on you. And even if you didn’t teach me as well as you did (and let’s face it, you did), my simple life experiences and personal hygiend standards would keep me out of that particular bracket of imbecils.

Come on, North Texas? On a boat? On a sunday..??

You know me better than that…I only drink Diet Soda. She was drinking a regular Coke.

Ha! Death by Aspertame!!

That is all.

Out.

– F

PS. Oh, and WHO did you get this information from, ANYWAY..? You sure do trust a lot of emails from a lot of random people. I mean, look at the can in the picture…it’s in Japanese. I thought the girl was in North Texas..?? And look at that warehouse…that does NOT look like an officially licensed Coca Cola storage facility..! Nope. It looks like a Costco…or a Super Wal-Mart…and yeah, those are kinda dirty.

PPS. And I don’t care WHAT that survey said that was taken at NYCU (and where the HECK is NYCU anyway??)…but I will never, ever, EVER believe that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilet seats!! Ha!! Seriously???? I live in New York city…I’ve seen public toilet seats so scary, grown men would rather go in their pants and just clean it up when they get home.

PPPS. …I’ve seen public toilet seats SO scary, you have to be 21 just to look at them.

PPPPS. …I’ve seen public toilet seats so scary, they wear Phantom of the Opera masks.

PPPPPS. (Yep, still going) …I’ve seen public toilet seats SO scary…the restroom attendant has to blindfold you before you enter the stall.

(Ok, I’m done.)

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Filed under Mom & Dad...Gotta Love 'Em, Really America?

“Why Americans STILL Don’t Watch Soccer…Even Though They SHOULD.”

* NOTE * –> “My father is American and my mother is Italian, so I spent most of my life in Europe before moving here to NY in 2002. Having an Amerian/Italian point of view qualifies me to say what I’m about to say…however harsh it may sound.┬áJust remember, it’s MY point of view…it doesn’t have to be yours.”

____________________________________________________

“Soccer is the greatest sport in the world.”

“It’s been played for hundreds (and arguably thousands) of years by millions of people in thousands of countries. Every four years the World Cup is watched by billions (yes, BILLIONS) of people. To compare it to any American sport (especially friggin baseball) simply does NOT do it justice…so I won’t even try.”

“I will, however, put in my two cents on why I believe it’s less popular and less watched here in America than everywhere else in the world. As I mentioned before, having lived in multiple countries throughout my life has really opened up my eyes to the cultural differences BETWEEN those countries…socially as well as recreationally. With all that said…here are my theories on the matter.”

“THEORY #1: America is one of the youngest countries in the world…only about 300 years old to be exact. Most of the other countries in the world are 10 times that old…at LEAST. Those older countries are the ones that have been living, learning, and fighting over which cultures, practices and social activities will live and die on this planet…and most of those decisions were made while America was still in the womb, in a manner of speaking. So, since the rest of the world has been learning how to play soccer before the US, it’s only natural that the US is worse at the game than other countries. The problem is America loves winners. They love dominating, scoring, and defeating the competition. They don’t like losing. They don’t like following teams that lose. And they don’t like playing sports that they lose at. And since they can’t play soccer as well as the rest of the world (because they learned it 100’s of years after everyone else), they would rather just not follow the sport as much.”

“THEORY #2: Americans have no patience…at all. They want it all, they want it how they want it, and they want it now. Since soccer is a game of fewer goals, fewer points, and fewer scoring opportunities than most other sports in the world, Americans begin to develop international A.D.D., and simply choose to stop watching.”

“THEORY #3: America’s world of sports is run more by money and corporations rather than actual fan-base, honor, and love of the game. Ads create money. Endorsements create money. And it’s because of this that during the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, NHL Finals, and the World Series, hundreds of TV time-outs, ad time-outs, and commercial endorsement time-outs are plastered in and around the game. Stopping the game, pausing the game, reviewing the game, rewinding the game, and re-playing highlights from the game is how America likes to watch its sports. Americans simply can’t comprehend playing a game for 45 minutes without commercial interruption, having a small halftime, and then playing 45 more minutes of un-interrupted 2nd half.”

“I have a PLENTY of other theories on soccer, but they don’t relate to the topic in the title of this blog, so I’ll spare you all any of my personal thoughts on the matter. My love for the game of soccer supersedes that of all other sports. The Italian gene that controls what sporting event I will and will not watch has definitely overpowered the American one in my body.”

“I don’t mind football (college of course, the NFL’s has ceased to amaze me since I followed the 49’ers in the early ’90’s). Baseball’s fun to play but absolute torture to watch most of the time…even Americans admit to this. Tennis is ok live…something about the 1-on-1 of it all. Boxing I won’t even get INTO to…let’s just say I’m not a fan. And I’ve never actually SEEN a hockey game, tennis round, polo match or rugby game played in their entirety.”


“Soccer will forever remain the beautiful game. It doesn’t matter if it’s a UEFA match on XBox, a Serie A match on TV, a pick-up game outside my apartment, or the World Cup in person…I’m there, and I’m LOVING IT.”

– F

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Filed under Really America?, Soccer